


Pimpmaster Oz and His Best Bottom Bitch: A Parody

by CocksAndClocks, TigerMoon



Category: RWBY
Genre: I don't know what else to say this is just so terrible on purpose, M/M, Parody, Please Don't Take This Seriously, Qrow was bored and wrote this, anyway we hope it gives you a laugh, don't take this seriously, it's an homage to all the worst indulgent yaoi nonsense on the internet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-04-16 14:37:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CocksAndClocks/pseuds/CocksAndClocks, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigerMoon/pseuds/TigerMoon
Summary: A (possible) series of awful fics Qrow write whilst bored. I really should keep Qrow away from my laptop.





	1. Chapter 1

The gangster’s life wasn’t easy, but Ozpin was good at it. Too good. So good in fact, he never had any real competition. He’d grown bored with things.

Until Qrow.

The moment he saw the bright eyed and bushy tailed uke in a short skirt skipping down the street merrily with a stack of homework in hand, Ozpin knew he had to have him. From his beautiful fluttering eye lashes to the straight edge of his nose, he was perfect.

He reminded Ozpin of a unicorn – mainly because Ozpin was horny and wanted to ride Qrow.

“Cum with me,” he said grabbing the man’s gluteus maximus and seeing just how maximus it was.

“Okay,” the innocent one blushed dropping his papers which scattered into the wind, the colorful pages twirling into a rainbow dancing around the two. 

Two blocks and one alley turn later, Ozpin guided the pure pansy to a secluded room.

Ozpin slid his hot dog into the warm squishy buns. 

“Your eggplant! It’s so big! And you forgot the mayonnaise! Itai! If you’re not careful, you’ll make me make ketchup!” Qrow cried.

“That’s the plan, sweet stuff. Then I’ll fill you with my éclair cream.”

“Wait. I have a better idea,” Ozpin paused, pulling out from the hollow abyss before him. “You need some sugar to make the cream sweet,” he said pouring in a cup of sugar before slamming back into the pink pouting peach wriggling for more.

Repeatedly, he slipped and slid until the slip ‘n’ slide made caramel. 

“Eat my caramel coated sausage. Get every inch of this sweet, sweet man meat.”

And Qrow did.

When Ozpin went spelunking back into the depths of the cave of Qrow’s ass, he saw sparkles shooting rainbow confetti inside the man beneath him. Qrow exclaimed, “Whip that cream! Whip it real good! I want your whipped cream! Motto, motto, motto!” he begged hungrily, because the honeyed banana snack wasn’t enough. 

They came together like bottle rockets exploding in the night sky.

By the time they were done, the caramel whipped cream was everywhere: the bed, the floors, the walls, the ceiling… the whole place looked like a gay fiesta on Cinco De Mayo, only the Mayo was crystalized man juice instead of mayonnaise. And there was glitter everywhere.

“That was so good!”

“Damn righ’ ho.”

Qrow blushed.

“But you’re my ho, bitch,” he said cuddling his bishounen close.

“And you’re my seme.”

“Sir! Are you okay?! We heard noises!” Ozpin’s men banged on the door.

“I’m aight! I jus’ had to make my mark. Tap that ass. Pick the forbidden fruit. Ring the back-door bell. Work my jackhammer against the concrete. Raid the dungeon. Plunder the booty. Toss his salad. Take his temperature. Bring an al dente noodle to the noodle house. Glazing the donut. Jerkin’ it where he’s twerkin’ it. Testing the suspension.”

And they lived happily ever after poppin’ a cap in bitches’ asses.


	2. Part Deux: Bottom Shelf for a Bottom Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Pimpmaster decides he wants a little Fire(ball) in his relationship.
> 
> Basically, we got tipsy with friends and continued this. Because booze.

Pimpmaster Oz and His Best Bottom Bitch: A Parody Part Deux

They had been together longer than Ozpin could remember. It was his longest relationship.

“I’m so glad we met five minutes ago…” Qrow purred into Ozpin’s ear.

“Yea. Me too, bitch. Me too.”

One day later, Ozpin dropped Qrow like it was hot. Ditched him in the dirt. Left him for dead. Or just forgot to pick him up from school. 

Same thing.

Yet. The fucker caught up. He couldn’t quit. Like an alcoholic. Ozpin was addicted to Qrow and that sweet, sweet moist abyss. That mudslide. That black Russian. That Hershey highway. The splitting of the chocolate starfish.

Ozpin knew… he had to tap that again.

“Wanna go again?” 

“Oh boy, do I ever!” Qrow grinned, pearly white teeth sparkling like the cum stain on his ass.

“Aight.”

And so they fucked, Ozpin pouring various bottles of alcohol into the school boy for lubricant, because he knew he was going to tap that like a keg. They made a sex on beach, slobbered on a slippery nipple, muddled the mojito, screwed the driver, blowed the job.

“Shiiii… I mi… be… drun…” Qrow whispered, collapsing into the bed that suddenly appeared beneath them.

And Ozpin knew. 

That was the moment he could REALLY take advantage of the sweet bottom-shelf shot before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun DUUUUUUUN.


End file.
